My blog has not served as a venting vehicle yet. I have a great soundboard here at home who puts up with me when I have what I like to call Sariah Syndrome (for all you BOM readers out there). But, since my blog is functioning much as a journal would, I feel it appropriate to express a few feelings and ideas that have entered my mind recently. So there's my disclaimer.
Balancing priorities is not something that I struggle with on a regular basis. I have no problem saying no to non-essentials and I reserve LOTS of time in my schedule so that when things "pop" up, as they often do, I don't feel too overwhelmed. I also spend ample quality time with each of my children daily (okay, most days) to ensure that their emotional bank accounts are filled enough to withstand a bit of neglect should the need arise.
Preparing our house for sale was not a project for which I could even have anticipated the sacrifice. I'm depressed. I can't count the number of times I have had to tell my kids this week, "I really want to play (fill-in-the-blank) with you, but I have to (again, fill-in-the-blank)." The first few days of cleaning, organizing and repairing gave me plenty of "teaching my kids to work" opportunities, but Anna has stuffed her piggy bank silly with quarters and has tired of the monotony of deep-cleaning. Who can blame her? I've tired of it. And I LOVE clean!
I find a bit of consolation in the understanding that this won't last forever and that someday I will again be able to put my children first. But it has been a revelation to me that I derive a great deal of joy and personal satisfaction from the amount of time I spend with my sweet kids. It is truly the investment with the highest return.
I'm thinking, in retrospect, of course, that I should have hired out my housekeeping duties and partied with the kids for the past 6 weeks. At least I'd be in better spirits. Ah, if money grew on trees...
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4 comments:
If it makes you feel better, I've been that kind of mom for six months. I almost can't remember what it was like to pay attention to only the kids. The worst part is that I promised them when we moved to Texas our current trials would subside. They were only replaced with new ones. I've spent the last four weeks, dragging them through hundreds of houses and I don't even promise them anymore that normal meals and playtimes will come. I guess there are just times in life like that and I console myself with the fact that kids need to see their parents taking care of responsibilities as well. Although, I've certainly overdone that card. I guess you just have to focus on the small moments, make reading scriptures in the evening extra special or the times when you actually sit for a meal together. And like they say. . . though I don't currently believe it . . . it doesn't last forever. Good luck selling the house!
Nisa, your plate was(is?) WAY fuller than mine is right now. In fact, I keep reminding myself that if I were pregnant, I wouldn't feel as guilty as I do. For some reason, pregnancy is the ultimate humbling experience, a time to recognize weakness and just give oneself a break! You are doing an awesome job.
I think maybe I should start feeling guilty for not feeling guilty when I should. You are both wonderful mothers who I look up to. The fact that you feel depressed about not being able to play with your kids speaks volumes about the wonderful mother that you are. If you feel too overwhelmed, send them over to play.
Susie,
I haven't been on the computer for weeks (I know can you imagine!) so sat down today to catch up on some blogs. I have to say that I truly enjoy reading what you have to say. Something about the way you write, and share you feelings really uplifts me and makes me feel that I am "not alone" in so many things that I think and do. Thank you for being wiling to share your life and thoughts with anyone and everyone. You are an inspiration!
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